Today I ran into some emotional resistance working through the exercise—partly because I started late in the day when my brain was already spent, but also because the exercise focused on one of my weakest points: arranging a physical environment.
I hate decorating. I hate thinking about decorating. Every penny I spend on anything decorative feels like a waste. Trying to envision what to do with three-dimensional space is my least favorite activity. It feels agonizing. I often just sit and stare at a room, completely blank on what to do with it. Most of the time, my attempts to make anything look “nice” leave me frustrated, burned out, and tired. My brain is simply not wired for this kind of thing.
And yet, I want something different. I want to feel empowered—maybe even uplifted—when I think about my space. I’m hoping that somewhere in these next ten days, I’ll find a more encouraging way to approach decorating. Right now, the only version that excites me involves coming into a pile of money and hiring someone to do it for me.
I don’t know if it’s a missing aesthetic gene or some buried childhood experience around organizing that created this mental block. But today’s exercise didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. I’ve always wanted to be the kind of person who could put a hand on something and instantly know where it belongs. I want a clean, clear space that supports creativity. I want a home that feels like a sanctuary.
That’s never been my reality. My norm is clutter—piles everywhere, things I can’t find, and a low-grade embarrassment that makes me dread having people over.
The cool part? I’m not pressuring myself to fix it all. That alone feels freeing. It’s actually pretty powerful to be able to write all this out—without hiding, without sugarcoating. If this process with Sheila has taught me anything, it’s that change begins with noticing. Just observing, like a scientist watching a fly in a jar.
I need to work a bit more on getting ChatGPT to understand the vibe I was looking for in today’s image. Not really quite what I was aiming for…
